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#1Shingen Minamori Empty Shingen Minamori Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:01 pm

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Anonymous
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THE VISORED APPLICATION
Name: Shingen Minamori
Alias: 'Shin' or 'The Mirror'
Real Age: 109
Phys. Age: 35
Gender: Male
Personality:
Spoiler:



CHARACTER APPEARANCE
Height: 7'
Weight: 249 lbs
Physical Traits: Deep red hair that reaches down to the bottom of his neck, a long scar across his face, three smaller scars on his right shoulder, 7', about 249 lbs, nicely tanned brown skin color, and bright blue eyes.
Spoiler:
Clothing: Shingen's uniform is a forest green top that's sleeveless, black long scarf, black arm sleeves that are from the top of his bicep to back of his hand, black pants, black ninja tabis, and his zanpaktou.
Accessories:  No accessories



THE COMBAT INFORMATION
General Fighting Style: Shingen's fighting style is to find his opponents as quickly as possible and dispose of them before they have a chance to become a threat. If they are already a threat, he will become a larger threat and eliminate them still...one way or another. He has a number of ways to pull this off but his job within the Gotei calls for him to keep all other powers in existence in line while not becoming a threat to the Gotei in and of itself. By doing this, Shingen is an Expert in Zanjutsu, Reiatsu and Reiryoku. He isn't proficient in Kido and Hakuda but no one is the greatest in all things. His zanpaktou's abilities support his physical strengths and battle tactics/strategies.
Strengths: Zanjutsu, Reiatsu, Reiryoku
Weaknesses: Kido, Hakuda
Ability Name: [Characters are allowed 1-2 personal abilities.]
Ability Description: [These can be combat oriented or roleplay oriented.]


ZANPAKUTO
Sealed Appearance: Traditional katana with a dark orange/red hilt wrapping, black sheathe, and an engraving of an eye on the hilt
Zanpakutou Name: Akuma Me (Devil Eye)
Call Out Command: Reflect One’s Inner Truth, Akuma Me (Devil Eye)


SHIKAI
Appearance: Akuma Me transforms from the traditional katana into a broadsword. The hilt becomes a dark onyx and in the middle of the hilt is a small square crystal. The blade is a dark iron except for the tip which is made of the same crystal. The crystal is unbreakable.
Abilities: The main ability of Akuma Me is to manipulate Astral Fire and Umbral Ice into both an offensive and defensive weapon. It's ability is to use them to create up to 3 doubles of the Shingen that mimic his movements but can’t deal any damage however they produce elemental bursts based upon what element is used to create the clones when they are destroyed. The more doubles Shingen creates, the shorter length he can maintain them and longer the cooldown to use them again.

ASTRAL FIRE
Shingen can create and manipulate White Flames from any point on his body, burning anything they touch and causing second degree burns to flesh. Because these flames are White, they burn at a temperature of 1,500°C, and will melt and evaporate regular ice and water instantly on contact. Ice and Water which are controlled by another Spiritual Being will melt or put out the fire based on who is stronger. Astral Fire will melt and be put out if it comes in contact with Umbral Ice.

UMBRAL ICE
Shingen can create and manipulate Black Ice from any point on his body, freezing anything it touches and causing second degree frostbite to flesh. Because the ice is Black, it is -200°C, and can freeze around the form of regular fire, putting it out but remaining in its stead. Fire which is controlled by another Spiritual Being will be put out or melt the ice based on who is stronger. Umbral Ice will put out and be melted if it comes in contact with Astral Fire.

Shikai Techniques:

1 double is worth 3 posts and 1 cooldown.
2 doubles is worth 2 posts and 2 cooldown.
3 doubles is worth 1 post and 3 cooldown.
(Any double that is destroyed produces a elemental effect corresponding to that which they are created from worth 1 post per double destroyed at one time which would increase the effect of the element. i.e. if 2 doubles are destroyed at the same time, the element would be twice as hot/cold as both of their explosions would be going off at the same time and the effect would last 2 posts)

[AU]RAIN
Shooting a large amount of energy into the sky, Shingen can create an atmospheric catastrophe, causing it to rain down with the element he sent up for 2 posts in a 100-yard diameter from his current position. This ability has a 5 post cooldown for each element, and cannot be used with both elements at the same time.

[AU]NOVA
Erupting with spiritual force, Shingen releases a large nova of either Astral Fire or Umbral Ice, spreading for 20m in any direction from him. Astral Fire will ignite everything in this range, and burn most other things. Umbral Ice will freeze everything in this range, including the ground, making it ice, and difficult to walk on. Each Nova has a 5 post cooldown, but cannot be used in the same post.

[AU]BULLET
Shigen can create up to 20 fireballs or shards of ice that are 6 inches long at any point within 10m of his body, and send them in any direction of his choosing. This ability can be used once per post per element, and the bullets are identical to a Bala, save for the elemental effects.



BANKAI
New Name: Akuma Me Tsuinmajikku (Devil Eye Twin Magic)
Appearance: Akuma Me Tsuinmajikku doesn't change in appearance from shikai.
Abilities: Akuma Me Tsuinmajikku does not have another ability. It's bankai ability is just an amplification of it's shikai and consumes an extraordinary amount of reiatsu from Shingen since he hasn’t had much time with it. The doubles have the same duration and cooldown times but have now gained the ability to deal damage and when they are destroyed produce a temporary blinding glare. Shingen also gained the ability to create complete doubles but hasn’t mastered this ability yet and can only produce 1. Complete doubles are exact duplicates of Shingen, even down to his spiritual pressure.

1 double is worth 3 posts and 1 cooldown.
2 doubles is worth 2 posts and 2 cooldown.
3 doubles is worth 1 post and 3 cooldown.
(Any double that is destroyed produces a elemental effect corresponding to that which they are created from worth 1 post per double destroyed at one time which would increase the effect of the element. i.e. if 2 doubles are destroyed at the same time, the element would be twice as hot/cold as both of their explosions would be going off at the same time and the effect would last 2 posts)

1 complete double is worth 2 posts and 2 cooldown.
(Any double that is destroyed produces a elemental effect corresponding to that which they are created from worth 1 post per double destroyed at one time which would increase the effect of the element. i.e. if 2 doubles are destroyed at the same time, the element would be twice as hot/cold as both of their explosions would be going off at the same time and the effect would last 2 posts)

TRANSPOSE
By releasing a nova of pure energy from his center of mass, Shingen can instantly target all water, ice and fire within 50m of himself and reverse their very nature, causing fire to become water, water to become ice, and ice to become fire. This does not work on any of those elements which are controlled by another Spiritual Being, and the transposed elements do not have Shingen/Desmond's Astral or Umbral qualities.

ENERGY RAY
With an open palm, Shingen can combine his elements to create pure energy, that takes on neither element's quality, and blast it off. This ability is nearly identical to a Cero once it's fired off, and can be used up to twice in one post with a one post cooldown.

ENERGY BLAST
Placing his palms together, Shingen can combine his elements to create pure energy, that takes on neither element's quality, and blast it off. This ability is nearly identical to a Gran Rey Cero once it's fired off, and can be used once every three posts.



MASK
Appearance:
Spoiler:
Abilities: Wearing his mask consumes an extraordinary amount of reiatsu from Shingen even beyond that of the level of Bankai level and that ain't no bluff. The doubles have the same duration and cooldown times but have now gained the ability to take more damage while retaining the abilities to deal damage and when they are destroyed produce a explosion of the element they were created from. Shingen also gained the ability to create an additional complete double. Complete doubles are exact duplicates of Shingen, even down to his spiritual pressure.]
Hollow Powers: Bala and Cero
Boosts: [When using your mask, you get a 33% increase to certain stats; unlike other boosts, you can only apply this to up to 3 total stats, but they have diminishing returns; the more stats you choose, the less effective they actually are.]


FULL HOLLOW FORM
Appearance: In Full Hollow Form, Shingen's mask now covers his entire head as his Gotei uniform turns solid black. His hair grows down to his back as his skin grows to an onyx black. The only things still white are his teeth and eyes.
Abilities: In Full Hollow Form, every double is a complete double giving them every detail that Shingen has in his Full Hollow state, including the newest one. This new ability gives Shingen the ability to fuse both elements together for even more creative and dangerous possibilities with his doubles and the environment around him. Add in his Hollow Abilities to boot and you have one of the most powerful and dangerous Vizards alive. The cost to this, each double has a cooldown twice a long as before. Refer to above and double the time on the doubles.

UMBRAL FIRE
By combining his elements, Shingen can create Black Flames which are unique in that they defy logic, burning at -200°C. This ability can be used to replace Astral Fire in any of Shingen's other abilities, but have the freezing properties of Umbral Ice instead. This element drains twice the amount of energy as any other ability, because Shingen/Desmond has to combine the two elements. Once Shingen/Desmond reaches his peak power, this ability can be used for a maximum of 5 posts, and then has a 10 post cooldown before being used again.

ASTRAL ICE
By combining his elements, Shingen can create White Ice, which is unique in that it defies logic, being at a constant state of 1500°C. This ability can be used to replace Umbral Ice in any of Shingen's other abilities, but has the burning properties of Astral Fire instead. This element drains twice the amount of energy as any other ability, because Shingen has to combine the two elements. Once Shingen reaches his peak power, this ability can be used for a maximum of 5 posts, and then has a 10 post cooldown before being used again.

Boosts: [In this release, you get a 4x boost; you can apply this to as many 'stats' as you want (strength, speed, durability, etc) but they're diminishing returns; the more you have, the less effective they actually are.]


BACK-DROP
History:
Spoiler:

Side Notes: [Anything you didn't say up above that's relevant to your character goes here.]
Roleplay Sample: [This helps us determine your character's tier. Roleplay in this character, please.]

#2Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:44 pm

Ika Mazi

Ika Mazi
You have Personality in Side Notes and Appearance in personality so those two need swapped.


Strengths and Weaknesses are more meant towards your character's actual... fighting strengths and weaknesses.. Take a look at this topic, where it's explained, Try to keep them even, please! http://www.bleachstory.net/t8241-stats-and-boosts - This also actually helps, because your Shikai and Bankai don't list your actual boosts, which they need to~

Your Zanpakutou abilities need a bit of work. You say that it burns the enemy with Heat, which is fine as a concept, but you don't describe how it actually works. It's, apparently, similar to a magnifying glass, but does that mean I can simply move my hand one inch and it doesn't burn me? They also need cooldowns; Glare should have a 3 post cooldown, meaning you can use it every fourth post, because it blinds them for one post, (plus we don't allow complete blinding and such.) Magnify level 1 can be used every post and Magnify level 2 can be used every other post (so use it, then wait, then use it), but as far as how they actually hit something, you need to be clear. Is it like a cero, where you point your sword at them and a beam of light shoots out that can be simply dodged, is it a slash like getsuga tenshou, what's going on when you use them?


At Bankai level, things get a bit more complex. We actually don't allow Fourth degree burns at all, because by nature that means it burns down to the bone, and that's just a little too strong. We only allow up to 2nd degree burns. in regards to Max Temp, again describe how it works and, if it's cutting through metal, what happens on flesh? (Keep in mind, you can't cut through Zanpakutou Metal with this, or any, ability.) This also needs a cooldown, and judging by the strength I'd say maybe 5 or 6.

Your background is pretty good. The one part that doesn't add up for me is how you're a Seated member of Division 13, you see your Captain and Wife having an affair, but in your appearance you state you're wearing a captain's haori?

Your "Misc. Techniques:" in side notes should actually be your strengths and weaknesses, to an extent. It implies Zanjutsu, Kidou, Hohou, Intelligence, and Spiritual Power, though weaknesses need to be re-evaluated (just my opinion). Everything below that, in Personaltiy, attitude, etc. should all be under Personality way up top at the application, since that's where it goes! You also don't need to list your known kidou, because as a Shinigami it's implied you know all of them, and we have an official list (seen here: http://www.bleachstory.net/t8254-kidou-list-updated ) where you can copy and paste them later, or just see what they do.

Finally, your Roleplay sample was alright, but you switched between third person (he did this, he did that) and first person (my division) a few times, so try to keep that under wraps. Since the majority of the sample was in third person, try to stick to that for future reference ^_^.

http://www.bleachstory.net

#3Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:26 am

Guest

Anonymous
Guest
I have no idea what you are talking about with the 'Personality and Appearance' thing. There is no appearance in my Personality section that I put in there and i put my Personality section in side notes for a reason. It didn't have anywhere else to go!

Now, as far as my Glare ability...you must be speaking of the Bankai form of it...and of course it has a cooldown...as I stated in the description. It would only place it a couple of posts longer than the Shikai form of it if anyone actually read it. A few minutes is longer than a few seconds. Not the rest of their lives or anything. Speaking of reading descriptions, the Magnify ability was described as a beam and you can only fire beams in one way from what I understand. That is to point whatever will fire the beam at the target and release the beam. Slashes are an entirely different matter and this is no slash. Getsuga Tensho is a slash while Cero is a beam and Magnify is a beam.

I didn't bother with cooldowns on the Magnify abilities for two reasons...one was because of how rp and I already know that wasn't going to be a reason you'd accept but that's just how I am. I can't repeat moves back to back as it doesn't feel right and it would bore the fight for me. Reason two is that system the Zanpaktou works off of. It already had a cooldown system in place which forced the character to not repeat abilities even if he wanted to.

The haori thing actually was an oversight that I did at one point remove but accidently put back when I clicked the undo button for something else. Thank you for catching that for me.

And once again...there no actual Personality section other than the one i put in with his description of his personality so i don't see what you are referring to. Now, if you want me to put that part under his Fighting Style, I can do that.

Finally, with the rp sample...I started it in first person but wanted to change it but obviously didnt catch all of it to correct all of it. That's what that was. I made the changes I can.

#4Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Tue Mar 28, 2017 8:41 am

Rena

Rena
I have no idea what you are talking about with the 'Personality and Appearance' thing. There is no appearance in my Personality section that I put in there and i put my Personality section in side notes for a reason. It didn't have anywhere else to go!

~~Literally right under Personality. Where it belongs. It's part of it. So it would naturally go under it. This not being common sense disturbs me considering how "Intelligent" you seem to be acting towards Ika.

my Glare ability. / bother with cooldowns

~~On the first part. Jeff is a bit stupid because it does state it is a beam. However that is where Jeff's stupid ends and yours begins with the second bit. Time is a not a quantifiable factor in an RP setting of the Bleach Universe because one post could be anywhere from six seconds to five minutes and that's not even taking into account time skipping and "Dramatic Pause" or anything of that sort. You did not state a cooldown based on the forum's way of using a cooldown and that is what Jeff was referring to.

because of how rp


~~First. This isn't a debate on whether or not you would abuse a characters power. If the power was abusable to begin with we wouldn't have approved it. So your ability to RP or how you choose to RP has zero factor here. We balance the abilities of every character so that no one person can just walk in and auto fuck everyone (Which We've had someone actually try to do so. Lol.) If we ask you for CD's, Power Comparison's, speed comparisons, details of how "tough" a defense skill is. You don't argue. you put it in the app and we go "oh hey yeah that makes sense" or we don't like how strong it is and tell you. or we think it's too weak and we give a suggestion to make it "Better".

~~"Oh but Rena a CD makes no sense your way"

I can't repeat moves back to back

~~According to you it would be NO issue at all to simply make a CD based on Staff advice or what you can find around the forum. Because you would have had one naturally anyways. However "implications" and "Vague" crap don't fly. If you have a CD you state the CD on your app. If we don't like how you stated it, which is what happened here, or it isn't balanced for the ability. We let you know and you fix it.

~~ONTO THE FUN BITS~~

As far as Jeff's assessment went. He wasn't wrong where it mattered most. Magnify Level 3 and Level 4 are denied because we don't allow third and fourth degree burns or frostbite due to how heavily overpowered it can get against another character even with the smallest of hits landing. Regeneration is not a substitute for Orihime. If they got burned or frostbite that badly it'd wreck their character for quite some time. If not permanently. So we don't allow it and save everyone the headache. Sorry thems the brakes.

~~Now you don't "currently" have any boosts filled out for Shikai or Bankai. This isn't mandatory and if it was intentional that is fine I'm merely mentioning it because without those boosts you are saying that your character is so strong he doesn't need them or he is weaker than normal fighters. Which in either case would need to be listed somewhere at some point. Just mentioning this part though. Dun care what you do here.

~~your strengths are as follows. Zanjutsu, Hoho, Shunpo, Reiatsu, Kidou, Analytical Tactician
~~your weaknesses are as follows. Hakuda, Politics

Okay first. Political failure is a character flaw. Not a weakness. So that is ignored. Shunpo and hoho aren't different things because Shunpo is a skill within Hoho's combat style. So those are smashed together.

So it's now.

Zanjutsu, Hoho, Kidou, Analytical Tactician, Reiatsu
~~vs~~
Hakuda

So my question and the point to pointing all this out now becomes.... Does that seem balanced to you?

You are good at every form of combat and excel with spiritual based combat. And the only drawback is that instead of knowing any martial arts you can "simply throw a punch".

Seems like you may need more of a weakness to balance out no?

~~This next part is not required but irked me therefor I am mentioning it.

I'm going to be nice. Okay no I'm not. Your fighting style is so lacking that my entire brain hurts thinking about it. You swing a sword and you use Kido. That's your fighting style? you don't try to use your analytical tactician nature to pressure the enemy in a way that benefits you? You don't try to discern weaknesses and exploit them as best you can with your hoho techniques? You don't do fancy fencing crap because hell yeah?

You just swing a sword and use magic spells.

So while this is still passable since despite being completely vague and tasteless still covers a bit. Due to the fact the shinigami academy trained you in these things.....

You could easily make it better.

#5Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:03 pm

Noziel Aran

Noziel Aran
I took a little more time not being stupid about this than I ought to have been but.... here.

You have been given simple instructions to follow.

-Magnify 3 and 4 are both denied, for the simple reason that we don't even allow 3rd or 4th degree burns.
-Kidou does not need to be listed, you went through the academy, so it's assumed you know all Kidou.
-Your personality is still tacked onto the end. We have a template for a reason, please use it.

Quite frankly, the list goes on, and you have not made very many edits, even if at least you added cooldowns to the abilties we denied.

If you need me to make a full, consolidated list of the changes that you need to make, ask.
This is not approvable.

#6Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:11 am

Rena

Rena
The changes are approvable. I vote 1-4. Jeff and/or Noz need to confirm since apparently we all looked at the app.

#7Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:12 am

Noziel Aran

Noziel Aran
Confirmed with me and approvable

#8Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Wed Apr 26, 2017 8:55 am

Ika Mazi

Ika Mazi
Approve.

http://www.bleachstory.net

#9Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:02 am

Noziel Aran

Noziel Aran
Changes have been reviewed and approved by me. Moving back to the proper section.

#10Shingen Minamori Empty Re: Shingen Minamori Tue Sep 05, 2017 4:01 am

Alysstrasza

Alysstrasza
Approved, at Tier 0-4. Congratulations.

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