Hello my name is Amaya. I am an application moderator and I will be grading your application today.

Firstly allow me to welcome you to our bleach story family! I hope to be able to roleplayer with you in the future.

The first thing I see that can be fixed and easier for others to read your app.

Her is the Shinigami Template with the code down at the bottom to keep our current format. It will make your app alot easier to read. : https://bleachstoryrpg.forumotion.com/t7748-shinigami-template

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Now for your actual application I will qoute what parts need worked on and my reasoning behind each item to give a better picture.

Name: Edward/Edura
Alias: Kora
Real Age: N/A
Phys. Age: N/A
Gender: changeable
Personality: it depends on how they're being treated; however, they... aren't exactly a happy person, they used to be bullied and discriminated a lot in the past... so while they want to be accepted they're... hesitant, to say the least

First off your name is fine I guess though I see no reason or need for a shapeshifting Shinigami and one that cant really keep a set identity. Plus you havnt explained if they are one person or twin siblings? Or a couple.. I cant not tell the identity of this app
2.) You have to have some sort of age the fact you bare no age shows your character will have no existence or history in the setting of our universe so if you can please give us an age to know of your character.
3.) EVERYONE has a personality and I want to know them better. Tell me what they are like when in battle. Are they cocky and over confident? Are they a pacifist that will try to not draw their blade if at all possible? What are they like around friends or strangers. Your personality doesn't really do them justice.

CHARACTER APPEARANCE

Height: tends to change, though as a male the max height is usually 6'4 feet and as a female 6 feet
Weight: N/A
Physical Traits: they're a shapeshifter... what did you expect?

This one is an easy one. Everyone an identity even your shapeshifter as i know even they have to have favorite features or things they like. For all I know they are a literal ball of clay waiting to be sculpted. Give them an indentity of their own that they love.

When they approach others what do the other characters see? Do they see a golden hair maiden towering at 7 feet tall? Do they see a short dwarf of a man with rainbow hair? Tell me what my character would see if I approached you.

THE COMBAT INFORMATION

General Fighting Style: usually only melee combat with their weapon, their style forming as they fight
Strengths: stubbornness, intellect and the more they're interested in something the easier and faster they can learn it; they're also quite resilient
Weaknesses: they sometimes let their guard down, and they have little to no experience in combat, just potential, which can sometimes make them make mistakes; they're also not paying too much attention when it comes to strategy

Ability Name: advanced shapeshifting; lust
Ability Description: the first one allows them to shapeshift however they want (though they can still get damaged); they mainly use it to change their gender, weight, height, how feminine/masculine they look and how old they look, though it can have more... intimate uses (those intimate uses being only for erp, won't be used in the normal rp)
lust is self explanatory - when the user is feeling horny they are able to make everybody around them feel like that, the only drawback that it specifically attracts those people towards them, they can't make it so they're attracted to someone else or themselves (only for erp)

Alright now for combat. Combat style is simple. Are they up close and personal when they fight? Are they more range and stealthy. If i got you cornered how will your combat be like? Avoid and escape to reposition or do they get in my face fighting me back. Tell me how they act in combat.

As for strengths and weaknesses your current ones shouls more go for personality. When we want to talk of strength we want to do are they great with kidou? Do they excell with the strong one man punches of strengths. What helps you in combat? Weaknesses are more of. Okay your not great with kidou or your not the most accurate shot with maintaining your reistu. Tell me where your weak in battle.

The ability here is a personal one and you can have two of them for this section. This one I will not go into detail because you have already been spoken to of it so i dont feel the need to bring it here.

On a side note: I feel you could have an excellent character alot of us would like to get to know when you bring out more about them. If you havr a central theme for your character alot of us are more then willing to give you acceptable ideas for a balanced kit to fit your character concept all you have to do is let us know.

Now on to the main course!


Alright so this will sound so mean even though it is not meant to be but it must be said. If you put your template into your app you will see your shikai is confusingm you speak of two weapons but most shikai will be only one weapon or dual of the same unless it is a shikai that has a free form not really having a set shape off the bat.

Your abilities need to tell us more of the kit whst special attacks do you have and at the various stages you get a stage boost off the bat. All is explained in the template i provided above.

I will not be able to grade your app further as the forms and condition it is in is upgradable till the complete template is accurately made.

Also to give a heads up for new users the highest one can be tiered on their first app is 1-3 as to be 0 tier you habe to have exprience ans workes hard with us to show us your character deserves to be higher through concept and site interaction.

Once again I am Amaya and I am happy to have you here in bleach story. Do not be afraid to Dm me or others on discord if you would like further assistance in creating your character. I hope some day to cross blades with you on the battle field.

Anna Nanashi wrote:Hello my name is Amaya. I am an application moderator and I will be grading your application today.

Firstly allow me to welcome you to our bleach story family! I hope to be able to roleplayer with you in the future.

The first thing I see that can be fixed and easier for others to read your app.

Her is the Shinigami Template with the code down at the bottom to keep our current format. It will make your app alot easier to read. : https://bleachstoryrpg.forumotion.com/t7748-shinigami-template

========

Now for your actual application I will qoute what parts need worked on and my reasoning behind each item to give a better picture.

Name: Edward/Edura
Alias: Kora
Real Age: N/A
Phys. Age: N/A
Gender: changeable
Personality: it depends on how they're being treated; however, they... aren't exactly a happy person, they used to be bullied and discriminated a lot in the past... so while they want to be accepted they're... hesitant, to say the least

First off your name is fine I guess though I see no reason or need for a shapeshifting Shinigami and one that cant really keep a set identity. Plus you havnt explained if they are one person or twin siblings? Or a couple.. I cant not tell the identity of this app
2.) You have to have some sort of age the fact you bare no age shows your character will have no existence or history in the setting of our universe so if you can please give us an age to know of your character.
3.) EVERYONE has a personality and I want to know them better. Tell me what they are like when in battle. Are they cocky and over confident? Are they a pacifist that will try to not draw their blade if at all possible? What are they like around friends or strangers. Your personality doesn't really do them justice.

CHARACTER APPEARANCE

Height: tends to change, though as a male the max height is usually 6'4 feet and as a female 6 feet
Weight: N/A
Physical Traits: they're a shapeshifter... what did you expect?

This one is an easy one. Everyone an identity even your shapeshifter as i know even they have to have favorite features or things they like. For all I know they are a literal ball of clay waiting to be sculpted. Give them an indentity of their own that they love.

When they approach others what do the other characters see? Do they see a golden hair maiden towering at 7 feet tall? Do they see a short dwarf of a man with rainbow hair? Tell me what my character would see if I approached you.

THE COMBAT INFORMATION

General Fighting Style: usually only melee combat with their weapon, their style forming as they fight
Strengths: stubbornness, intellect and the more they're interested in something the easier and faster they can learn it; they're also quite resilient
Weaknesses: they sometimes let their guard down, and they have little to no experience in combat, just potential, which can sometimes make them make mistakes; they're also not paying too much attention when it comes to strategy

Ability Name: advanced shapeshifting; lust
Ability Description: the first one allows them to shapeshift however they want (though they can still get damaged); they mainly use it to change their gender, weight, height, how feminine/masculine they look and how old they look, though it can have more... intimate uses (those intimate uses being only for erp, won't be used in the normal rp)
lust is self explanatory - when the user is feeling horny they are able to make everybody around them feel like that, the only drawback that it specifically attracts those people towards them, they can't make it so they're attracted to someone else or themselves (only for erp)

Alright now for combat. Combat style is simple. Are they up close and personal when they fight? Are they more range and stealthy. If i got you cornered how will your combat be like? Avoid and escape to reposition or do they get in my face fighting me back. Tell me how they act in combat.

As for strengths and weaknesses your current ones shouls more go for personality. When we want to talk of strength we want to do are they great with kidou? Do they excell with the strong one man punches of strengths. What helps you in combat? Weaknesses are more of. Okay your not great with kidou or your not the most accurate shot with maintaining your reistu. Tell me where your weak in battle.

The ability here is a personal one and you can have two of them for this section. This one I will not go into detail because you have already been spoken to of it so i dont feel the need to bring it here.

On a side note: I feel you could have an excellent character alot of us would like to get to know when you bring out more about them. If you havr a central theme for your character alot of us are more then willing to give you acceptable ideas for a balanced kit to fit your character concept all you have to do is let us know.

Now on to the main course!


Alright so this will sound so mean even though it is not meant to be but it must be said. If you put your template into your app you will see your shikai is confusingm you speak of two weapons but most shikai will be only one weapon or dual of the same unless it is a shikai that has a free form not really having a set shape off the bat.

Your abilities need to tell us more of the kit whst special attacks do you have and at the various stages you get a stage boost off the bat. All is explained in the template i provided above.

I will not be able to grade your app further as the forms and condition it is in is upgradable till the complete template is accurately made.

Also to give a heads up for new users the highest one can be tiered on their first app is 1-3 as to be 0 tier you habe to have exprience ans workes hard with us to show us your character deserves to be higher through concept and site interaction.

Once again I am Amaya and I am happy to have you here in bleach story. Do not be afraid to Dm me or others on discord if you would like further assistance in creating your character. I hope some day to cross blades with you on the battle field.

Quote do post: 107423

i have edited my character. is this better?