After the incident, I knew it would be inevitably soon that I ran into Mei again, and when I did, we'd talk. Having mentioned work with me, I'd realized that here, at the agency, we'd meet by realm of necessity. As chance would have it, I ran into her before there was a mission that required us both. I took the opportunity to greet her in one of the hallways. "We need to talk. I know you probably don't want anything to do with me, but I've realized a few things since we met last." I'd try to keep her there and meet her eyes with a serious expression.

Mei was working as she always was, which she knew was bound to upset Emi. However, she didn't get the luxury of having a day off and she knew one day that Emi would see that. She would realize that her job wasn't simply healing small scrapes and bruises. She would realize that her job wasn't always a way for her to get out of being around her sweet little niece. She would realize that her job was an honest, hard, noble, and constant profession. However as of this moment, Mei would have to bare with knowing that Emi was just a poor, confused little girl. She had always had someone with her consistantly. Now, she was either alone, with Mei, or at school. She was having to be independent and satisfy her own time. She was having to transfer to something different and she wouldn't get used to it so easily. It was hard on the both of them.

As Mei was thinking about that sweet girl, she would be intercepted by swift words that only got to the point. There were no greetings, no warnings, just a simple attention grabber. The platinum blonde would stare at the man for a mere moment as all she could think about was how he had grown in height. He was much different in appearance than he was so long ago. In this moment, she would shake her head, "Oh, right. Yeah. Ok. What did you want to say?" She would speak a bit nervously almost as if she wasn't quite fully on this planet. She seemed almost drained in a way, perhaps not physically, but emotionally. Mentally, she was definitely distracted, however something this important may just be what she was in need of.

I was mildly relieved to see that Mei made no effort to change the tone of the situation, as she simply said 'yeah sure okay'. Which was what I needed right now. I sighed, letting the urgency and nerve drop from my voice. "Maybe here isn't the best." I'd say, attempting to lead her to a place where we could have a choice of coffee or water. After getting there, it'd probably be easier. Pouring some coffee for myself, skipping out on the cream and sugar for once, I'd take a sip, trying to center myself. "Look, the way I left was awful. I didn't realize it then, nor did I know what I was doing to you in the process, but the real reason I left was because I was afraid. I wasn't ready for a child, I wasn't ready for commitment at that point in my life, and I ran. I didn't know what else to do. And after seeing the little one, I thought it might be nice. I thought, 'maybe I'm ready now'. I feel like what you did at the beach, while you may feel bad for... that's my fault. It's my fault for having not been there, and it's my fault for not knowing any better. So for all of that, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry that I was the reason that you suffered like that, and you probably hate me for all that." I said all of this kinda hurried. I didn't really give her much room to speak, but I wanted to get all of it out while I had time, and I wanted to make sure that I didn't hesitate. If any of that was left out, it wouldn't have mattered.

A rush of caffeine smacked me in the face, and I felt kinda dumb for a moment, but getting myself together, I realized I could do more. "I'm sorry, can I get some coffee for you, water maybe?" Why was I trying to please her so much? I'd been yelled at by her, I'd been given the feeling I wasn't wanted, and yet... Did I want this? Maybe? Could I ever stop myself from being a neurotic mess? Only by doing hero work, apparently. Hero work was the only thing I couldn't fuck up.

Mei would follow Noz no matter how much she was uninterested in having this conversation. She knew slightly what was coming and she sincerely hoped it wasn't as terrible as she believed it to be. They would end up in a room where they could speak privately, which began with Noz going straight for coffee. Did he think they were having a tea party? Did he think they'd have a long chat over a warm beverage and everything would be fine? Multicolored eyes watched not really sure how to feel in this moment, but she would soon figure it out as he began to speak.

He would start off with an evaluation of his actions, which led to an explanation of why he did what he did. Immediately, a dumb founded look would cross the medic's face as he explained these things to her as kf she didn't already know what he was saying. Eventually, he would end up with an apology and taking the blame for things that didn't apply to him in the slightest. In this moment, her face was just a twisted picture of absolute comfusion, anger, and astonishment. She would take this time to stare at him with the most blank of eyes only realeasing her emotional build up when he offered her something to drink.

"I could care less about your stupid beverages. You have no right. No right to just think you can come back in after all this time just because you "think you're ready now." You don't get to make that decision. You.. you were afraid?" Mei would look at him as she would clear her throat feeling it tighten a bit as she chose her next words. "I was terrified. You left me alone. You abandoned us both. You don't know anything. You don't deserve to know what we'vebeen through, what I've been through, or what she's been through. Still, I stayed. I stayed for her. I WANTED to see her grow. I wanted to see her have a loving family, but now I won't get to." Mei would trail off looking away from the man she was so frustrated with unable to form anymore coherent sentences that didn't make her sound completely insane. She would cross her arms almost as if she were cold, when in reality her nerves were losing their grip. She was a bit.. lost.

As soon as I said the word coffee, I knew there was no chance. She took no time at all to tell me exactly how she felt, and she most certainly held nothing back. Being the woman I admired, she took the worst that life gave her, and made something of it. She always managed to rise above all of it, and this was something I knew full well she hated me for. She should never have had to be made to fight to keep what she loved, and yet she did. And I had no words. On and on this coaster went until she turned it fully on me, then said the line that hurt us both the most. "I wanted to see her have a loving family, but now I won't get to."

I sank to my knees, shoulders having given up all hope on appearing heroic and brave. I began to cry because that sentence tore the rest of my heart out. "One time. Name one time that I ever managed to do something right. I act brave, strong, and try to be the hero that I feel like I can be, but inside I'm still a child. I always have been. How the fuck was I supposed to raise a child when I knew nothing? I didn't know what to do. I'm not blaming you, Mei, I'm blaming myself. I blame myself for losing the chance to have any semblance of a real family, for losing out on love. That's the real reason, and it's a terrible one." I could barely keep my voice from breaking as I went on. I couldn't even mitigate my emotions or hold back anything. It just fell out of me, like it spilled through the hole I felt in my chest. "Maybe it really is best if you find someone else. Someone who can actually keep their shit together instead forever remaining a childish fool. You both deserve better than anything I could ever give you." Shut up Noz. Stop talking. You always do this.

I couldn't even look at her anymore. I didn't feel like I had any value at all, much less worthy enough of the person I claimed to love. I wanted to walk over to the window, to contemplate if I would feel anything after that, but my body didn't want to move. So there I sat, worthless.

She looked at the wall beside her replaying her words in her head. How could she say something like that? Why did she say that out loud? How could she not though? She wasn't wrong. She would never get to see her have a happy family at this rate. Any chance she had at guving that girl a good life was gone and Mei was completely helpless. Helpless. Worthless. She would listen to Noz speak through his tears as he was now unable to regain his composure. He was unable to stand, unable to speak clearly, and unable to stay calm.

The woman listened as he talked down on himself and spoke about the fears that he had faced. Still, Mei didn't feel a single drop of pitty for him, because he had never once tried. He had never once known what he was capable of because he had never given himself the chance to do so. That was his flaw. Mei had never blamed herself for anything because she had tried. She had done everything in her power, but it wasn't exactly the best effort. How could she believe she was perfect?

"She doesn'teven know who I am," my would speak softly as her eyes would begin to water. She would let the aur settle as she felt her throat become a bit tight. She would clear her throat before continuing her thoughts, "I haven't even been taking care of her. I couldn't do it alone, so I gave her to.. my sister. Until recently, she was doing everything I wasn't and she was so amazing at it. She was a natural. When I heard that girl call her mom, I wasn't even upset because she was so happy. They had such a beautiful bond and a wonderful life. I was just happy that she had all she desired. I was ok being called her Auntie. She loved me too, but it was a different relationship. Different than I wanted, I suppose." Mei would find herself wiping silent tears from her face as she seemes to only smile for but a moment. Then, she would sigh with a sniffle following after. "But.. they died recently.. leaving us alone together again. Now, I'm just her mean aunt who never wants to spend time with her because I work too much. So, I guess you aren't the only clueless one or the only failure," she would find herself turning away completely wiping her eyes as she focused on the wall behind her. She wasn't quite sure what more to tell.

It wasn't long before she spoke again, and the things she told me finally got me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Not because I couldn't stand the shell of a man that I was, but because she clearly had it worse. Our daughter was given to her sister, and she was treated like a mean aunt instead of a loving mother. It's like she'd been denied the full joy of loving her child due to my departure.... And even worse, with that part of her family gone, there was no fixing this. This girl would never call Mei 'mom'. It would only end badly if it was made to be so... I saw her split in two, no longer fully angry at me, and instead it seemed she'd taken her turn to feel sorry for herself. She turned away from me, crying because of all of this being pulled out at once.

I pulled myself together, breathing slowly as I did. I wanted to support her because I felt responsible. True, I'd crumbled and broken because she saw through me, but that meant I had nothing to hide from her now. "Mei.... I'm so sorry. No parent should ever have to forfeit the right to be called mom, and I can't blame you for resenting me so much. If I'd stayed, you wouldn't have lost that. She'll never know. It'd destroy her trust in everything. Still. She could still be happy. She still has a chance to have a loving family, even if it's not the one you want to have. I want to help... but I'd understand if you still hated me too much. I want to learn sign language for her. I want to show her that life is still fun. I know I can, if you let me. Even if you hate me for everything I did... please let me do this." I felt like the child would be the one thing that could imbue any sort of value into my core. Something, anything to keep myself from feeling so worthless that I'd disappear.

Still looking at her, my hands closed. I didn't want to give up. Not like this. "I want to believe that there is a place in her life for me, even if it's not as her father. Even if she doesn't recognize me as anything important. Without either of you all I have is hero work. And if I'd have left you alone, I'd have been just fine. But I came back. I brought all of this up, and now I'm not sure where I stand, realizing how empty my heart is. What did I do this for anyways? Fame? In hope of seeing you again? I've long since forgotten. I just did it. I helped people. Maybe because deep down I knew I'd never be able to do anything else."